Rocks deep in our backs, we struggle to lay flat. The fresh pine air freezes my nose, shoulders, and toes.
You ask to be touched; I swing my body to rest on my side. I lazily stroke you with my left hand. I am cold. I must have fallen asleep and when I suddenly awoke all feeling was lost on the right of my body. In sleepy consciousness, I worried what happened. Moving my arm and then holding it with the other, I begged to my system give it motion so that I can be motionless in rest. I rubbed my forearm and looked up at the sky. I forgot I was rubbing my forearm.
The stars above brightened when the night sky darkened: it took me back to the trampoline of my first outsider days. A language I could not speak, people I could not reach, sex with a gay Jack. It was fun, I'll give him that.
I touched you and told you about my rebelling arm. You said it's happened to you before. I continued to gaze above into space, trying to remind myself a gushing heart or an aching heart, they are small. And only breath with as much air as I grant. I thought it, I struggled to feel it.
I fell asleep. I woke up. This time the stars more radiant. The sky was the darkest blue like the coldest part of the ocean. The light from above felt like one beam looking directly at me. I thought nothing more but of its simple beauty. I fell asleep. I woke up. This time only looking above for a moment. I could feel your chill. I pulled the cold, blue quilt to cover you. It didn't seem to help. I abandoned you. I cocooned into my blue sleeping bag. Tucking and tightening, zipping and rocking. No warmth was found beyond my heated love within my heart, for you. Daydreaming and roaming in my mind of the future camping trips, with you. I faltered; was I doing this right? Is this how you camp through the night ? I fell asleep. I woke up to you unzipping the mesh that divided us from the wandering deer. I closed my eyes for the final time to say goodbye to a restless sleep. I'm not sure if I fell asleep again. I sat up and saw you tinkering with the wood you would soon set ablaze. You are the fire man and I am the tent girl.
